


Starlight

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Mutual Pining, Reader-Insert, Road Trips, Serendipity - Freeform, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Star Gazing, Strangers to Lovers, Time Skips, Traveling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-06-30 00:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15740475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: Mysterious, but life changing things always happen if you just let life take its course – you decided to try it for once.





	1. inwood park, ny.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @abovethesmokestacks ‘s Summer Writing Challenge. I realized that this was going to be a very long one-shot or a short series, so I decided on the later. I feel like this might be a little different from what I usually write, but I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Prompt: [Emily Dickinson: XXIM](https://www.bartleby.com/113/1021.html)

**Inwood Hill Park, NY.**

_ Trust the stars to guide you. _

It was a saying that you never understood from when your grandmother used to enjoy saying to a much younger you, to the annoyance of your mother. Your mother had always wanted the best for you in terms of schooling and what could give you the best jobs and stability in the long run, and that didn’t include the stories and pictures your grandmother drew for you -- between the imagination and dark nights, learning and memorizing thoughts and theories you think you lost part of yourself. You aren’t the person you wanted to be, barely proud of the office job you have and dingy apartment you hardly live in.

_ What would your grandmother think of you now? _

That’s when it happens: a wayward flyer announcing a star show near Inwood Park. It’s too far for you, but the announcement doesn’t leave you for days, so when the date --April, crisp and clear-- comes around the corner you found yourself leaving work early to make it on time. You stay silent making your way to the event in heels and a blazer, as everyone else seems to more relaxed talking amongst each other, getting telescopes, and talking around the man that seems to know it all. You bite your lip, your mother’s voice echoing in your head asking what the hell you are doing in such a place, unsure of where to start or who you should be talking to.

“Hey, are you new to these events?” a young woman asks, as you turn and give her a nod. She motions you to follow her to where a telescope and man wearing jeans and a heavy jacket, even with such nice weather, is standing just as unsurely as you had been.

“Please wait for Mr. Kent and he’ll talk to you about all the stars you can find tonight,” the woman explains before going off on her merry way. You place your work bag down, and take steady steps towards the telescope. The man stays silent, unsure of what to do, as blue eyes stare up at the sky. You swivel it for a moment, only to hear an annoyed sound coming from the man. 

“Are you trying to see something specific?” the deep, gravelly voice causes you to jump for a moment, as you turn to look at the man. He gives you a nod, finally greeting you, as you see a small book in his hand. His blue eyes sparkle with interest though, perhaps wondering why you’re here.

“My grandma always talked about the North Star,” you explain as he nods, taking large strides to stand next to you. He opens the worn pages to the book to show you on explanation on said star, as he moves the telescope to a 45 degree angle. You look at the pictures in the book as, he eventually motions for you to look into the telescope. 

“The North Star is the only star in the sky that never moves,” he explains, as you see the star on the canopy of the darkening sky, “It’s always been used to help people finding their bearining, like sailors and old military generals.” 

“That’s amazing!” you exclaim, giving the man a gleeful if somewhat tired smile he as scratches  the back of his head. 

“What else can you tell me about it?” you question, as the man bites his bottom lip trying to hide the grin that is forming on his lips because he hasn’t seen anyone so excited about stars in a long time, people usually tired about what he had to say, or already knew it due to Mr. Kent. 

“What would you like to know?” he asks, before introducing himself as Bucky Barnes -- a man that you soon figure out had so much knowledge of the stars and eyes that shine like them too. 


	2. new mexico.

  Steve and Bucky are sitting not to far away from his apartment building in a diner that they have been visiting since they were kids, but it’s not the same -- it has never been the same since Bucky came back. However, it isn’t about that today. For one, Bucky keeps talking about a young woman he had meet in the little stargazing meetings he liked to go to when he was having a good day. Steve couldn’t help but grin behind his coffee cup as his old friend went on over someone so excited about the stars just as him. 

“That’s great, Buck,” Steve nods, while taking a bit of his breakfast, “Think you’ll see her again?”

“Maybe, I’m not sure,” Bucky shrugs before taking a sip of his coffee, as he tries to forget those bright eyes and a cheeky smile for what actually he came to talk with Steve about, as he pushes the documents he brought over to the blonde’s side of the table.  

For now, Steve moves from teasing Bucky about this mysterious office worker to looking through all the documents that Bucky was showing him -- of an extended trip, a stargazing one. He wrings his hands together in anxiety as Steve’s blue eyes flicker from him to the pamphlets. 

“Buck, if ya really wanna do this, I’m all for it,” Steve grins, as Bucky lets out a shaky laugh of relief. Bucky had worked hard towards his recovery since coming back from his tours. It had been a long road of all forms of therapy and trying to gain some semblance of what he once had -- sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. There are things he clung to --old movies, journaling, astrology-- and while it wasn’t always the best, he was getting there each day. He wanted to do something in order to celebrate, map it out and document it in his own way. 

_ Star Gazing Journey.   _

That’s what he had planned.  __

“Just make sure to send a postcard, punk,” Steve smiles, tight but caring because Bucky knows that deep down Steve worries too much, but he can’t cage up a grown man, especially when he’s trying to do something he loves. 

“You know I will, jerk,” Bucky laughs, easy and carefree for once.

* * *

 

You go to small bookstore the next day, trying your hardest to gain all the knowledge that had been denied to you when you were younger. So, you can find something to talk about with the mysterious star man you met instead of just having him do all the talking, which he seemed to struggled with at times. All the books are soon filled with notes as you take to writing about all your favorite stories in a small notebook. Your heart is filled with stars and at times you dream about sparkling blues as well. 

You’re running on coffee and excitement when the 2nd April meeting comes around in Inwood Park. 

“Good luck,” Wanda, your cubicle buddy, smiles as you grab your bag and begin to head out. While, you weren’t completely close, she had seen the rapid change of your cubicle from being completely empty to filled with little sky trinkets and glancing over at what you read during lunch.     

“Thank you,” you smile brightly, which catches her off guard for a moment since you were usually so demure, before heading out. She can’t help but smile to herself a little as well.  

You don’t see Bucky the 2nd time you go to Inwood Park, after a whole night spent talking about the stars and what exactly they are made of alongside the stories that have caught your attention -- you had wanted to show how much you had learned in such a short amount of time. He had pointed them out and you would excitedly recall a story you could barely remembered -- you didn’t get that this time around. 

They tell you that people come and go all the time and while you try to push forward and go a 3rd time in the beginning of May, but it just isn’t the same -- maybe, one person was enough to connect you to the stars again because you found yourself looking up books and articles whenever you had the time. However, without him there, it wasn’t enough, but without any means of contacting him, of never knowing who “Bucky” really is, you try your hardest to move forward with what little he left you. Then, it hits you -- those dark city tours that Mr. Kent always talked about. You didn’t have to take the whole trip, just areas that interested you and you had enough compt time to move around here and there. 

“Yes, that’s what I’ll do,” you grin, tapping the pamphlet lightly before letting go of Inwood Park, though it has left quite the impression on you already.   

**Clayton State Park, NM**

Bucky had been on an adventure since leaving New York, traveling down the East Coast, hitting all the places along the way that had a good view of the stars, even getting a tour of the Kennedy Space Center when he was down in Florida. However, what he had enjoyed the most so far was watching the clear night sky as he traveled through the wide open space that was the center of the United States. All the light population in New York hadn’t prepared him for this and he was too preoccupied during his tours (along with the constant bombings and just trying to stay alive and fight back) to look at the sky above for a moment, so this...this was  _ something else, _ and he loved it. 

“All right, people this will be our stop for the night,” the tour guide explains as the bus comes to a stop near the state park’s central campsite. While, Bucky was used to traveling alone, it was easier for him in many ways, he had taken Greyhound through Texas and stopped to take a star guide tour into New Mexico, the Clayton State Park was their most recent stop, though he kept to himself most of the time. 

“We’ll be meeting with the 2nd half of our tour group and set up for the night,” the tour guide keeps explaining, as the rest of the group starts exiting the bus. Since Bucky is all the way in the back, he glances out the window for a moment, watching all the other members of their party coming out from a 2nd bus and he swears his heart stops when he sees a familiar face. 

“It’s can’t be,” Bucky murmurs to himself, as he gets up and finally makes his way out of the bus. However, once he gets off, he stops unsure of what to do next as he watches her talk to the tour guide with an excited smile, before going to talk to two other people. Her face scrunched up as she laughs at a comment that the redhead next to her made, which causes Bucky turn away and rub the back of his neck. 

“One, two,” Bucky calms himself down before he’ll do anything he might regret later, because just because she was here didn’t mean anything might be connected to him. Maybe, she had just come to enjoy the stargazing or needed a long trip out of the city -- Bucky was sure he didn’t make an impression on her or anything.    

With that thought, Bucky sighs and heads towards where his own tent area is suppose to be, to gaze up at his constant companions for awhile and not keep staring at the woman that seems as captivating as them.

* * *

 

Your 3-day, 2-night journey into Clayton State Park had been quite the dozy since you had almost missed your flight, had no sleep whatsoever, but meet a cute newlywed couple by the name of Natasha and Clint doing the cross country road trip for their honeymoon. Now, you were spending your morning going through the dinosaur tracks that were prevalent all over the park,  as the couple had taken the other route to swim and near the dam. You smile at the thought of them, while glancing at the other members of your party -- families and couples sharing in the experience together (by taking pictures or just talking) and while you didn’t feel lonely, being with someone else would be a nice thought. 

And maybe, your grandmother was right about the universe hearing your thoughts when need be, as you nearly trip on a branch only for a strong arm to encircle itself across your lower back and a solid body to mold into yours, as you look to meet burning blues. 

“Ah, sorry,” your words die out for a moment, as the man ( _ that man _ ) gives you a sheepish smile before letting go of you, “Bucky? What are you doing here?” 

“I could be asking you the same question, doll,” he shrugs, as you try not to show that you miss his warmth. He runs a hand through his hair, but instead of moving away from him (like he thought you would) you just end up closer, arm brushing against arm in the early summer heat. 

“They started promoting these Star Tours back home,” you explain as he looks straight ahead trying his hardest not to memorize the giggle, carefree and easygoing, that leaves your lips at the end, “I just felt like I had to go, ya know?”  

And deep down in his bones, underneath the pain and remorse, Bucky knows that feeling all too well. 

“Yeah,” he lets out, as you look at him expectantly waiting for some type of explanation as why you hadn’t seen again, “I’ve traveling for awhile now too.”  

“Oh really?” you grin, as you spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon talking to the man about his travels and all he had seen so far, alongside dinosaur facts he seems to bring up here and there, while you add in the little stories you have read up on and there isn’t a moment where the talk seems to halt awkwardly between the two of you -- just like you had wanted all those months back. 

“Okay, but you’re gonna have to save your Big Bear stories for later tonight,” Bucky laughs, as you reach the camping site with the rest of the group. You nod and smile, as he had mention that the Star Point Observatory had the greatest view of the constellation this time of year. You wave at him before going to your side of the camping ground with a big goofy smile. 

“Oh, I know that look,” Natasha, wearing jeans shorts and tank top, smiles as she sees you come up ahead. You stop at her statement, giving her a questioning look.

“What do you mean?” you ask, as her smile gets bigger as her new husband comes from behind and gives her a quick peck on her cheek.

“That’s the same look Clint had when we meet,” she laughs, as you lose the ability to speak for a moment before heading into your tent without another word. Natasha laughing, as the blond shakes his head.

* * *

 

The walk from the campsite to the small blue metal building that houses the telescope isn’t hard, but it is better to do it before it gets too dark as you and most of the tour go down the beaten path. Natasha and Clint are snuggled together in a blanket not too far from you, while you work a simple bomber jacket with two shirts underneath for the cooler night weather. A book and journal in hand, though you were unsure where Bucky was since the afternoon, which made you frown a little. 

“I heard there’s a star party tonight,” someone explains behind you, as you turn around to Bucky giving you a small smile. A heavy jacket and flannel shirt are his chosen attire for tonight, and it reminds you of ---

“Like back at the park,” you smile, clearly catching the meaning of his words. He comes up closer to you, a small polaroid camera around his neck. The two of you walk in silence for awhile, simply taking in the night sky and endless plains of grass. You take a deep breath of the fresh air and wonder if this is what your grandmother meant -- to be one with the world around you, and listen to what it is trying to tell you.  

Eventually you do end up the observatory, but with only one telescope it will be a awhile before you have a go at it. So, you end up staring at the dark blue sky, as this man who you have only meet twice tells you all he can about the two Dippers in a trip you took on in the last minute, you can’t help but smile -- you’re trying your best, and maybe the universe is helping out in its own way.

“That one’s Regulus,” he points out to a star sort of below the North Star that makes up the handle the Big Dipper, you nod as he smiles seeing those wide eyes talking in all the information he has to offer. 

“The mighty king,” you explain, as he catches the meaning. You stand there for a long while, waiting for your turn with the telescope as people cheer and talk around you, but to you it’s calming compared to the endless sounds and light of back home. You look to see Bucky staring at the endless dark canopy above, and in that moment you wish you had brought a camera like he had -- to keep this moment living when he wasn’t there anymore, but you were okay with this for now. 

“Excuse me, could you take out picture,” Bucky questions, somehow answering your prayers as a certain blond comes in and gives you a smile, more subtle than his wife but still loving to tease you. Blue eyes look at you with a silent question and you nod and outstretch your arm so he can take it. Lightly wrapped together you smile at the camera, one and then twice. 

The moment passes, but you stay with Bucky for the rest of the night until you have to walk back and gather your things to head back home, while he keeps heading on with his journey -- still a stranger, but closer to your heart than before. He waits to when it’s too close to departure to hand you the 2nd photo, the North Star shining brightly in the background-- with a soft touch of his hand on your knuckles. 

“Keep it,” is all he says with a soft smile and red cheeks, as your heart thumps a little faster than usual. He lets you hug him before you head inside to the bus. His warmth doesn’t leave your for hours, as you keep the small picture of you and him tucked safely in your journal and his is taped to his little notebook. 

On the way home, you wonder what the stars are trying to do to you, though you aren’t as apprehensive as you were before, especially if it meant seeing Bucky again.  


	3. arizona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end, I am not trying to make the main character seem vain or greedy, as shown with the constellation’s background story, but the beauty and other things that she holds from Bucky’s POV. Just wanted to point that out.

As much as Bucky loves traveling and seeing the stars from all types of different scenery while enjoying the type nature that you just can’t get in New York, he still has his bad days. There are days were he shuts himself in his hotel for days, where the screams and darkness living within his mind suffocate him. There are other days where he is completely numb, ignoring the red in his eyes and the red from where he scratches too hard -- but, he thinks he deserves it after all he has done. 

It’s one of those times when he slowly makes his way way into central Arizona after spending some time in Utah. From the very beginning, Bucky felt like something was off -- he was too hot, the desert reminded him too much of his time back in the Army, and the coldness that settled over the desert dug too deeply into the scar tissue of his left arm and the invisible wounds that ran up and down his body.  

“ _ Hey Sam _ ,” he calls his sometimes friend after being woken up by the hotel staff -- his neighbors had given numerous complaints throughout the night of his screaming. 

They threaten to kick him out without remorse, worst case scenario they call the police, but Bucky leaves to  [ another hotel  ](http://www.canyoninnflagstaff.com/) closer to the road  before they can.

“ _ Hey Stevie _ ,” he cries to his sleepy best friend, as the unfriendly darkness (the one without stars) causes him to cry all night, though he tries to muffle the sound until he gets two hours of fitful sleep. 

_ He’s no good, _ is all Bucky can think to himself, as tears stains run down his cheeks and there’s a heavy feeling in his chest. He turns over and reaches out for his little journal. Blue eyes stare that the picture tapped in the beginning for a long time, as he wishes a certain someone was here with him but at the same time, wishes (and is happy) she is so far from him -- probably has already forgotten about him. He lets out another choked sob at the thought. 

He’s no good for anybody.  

* * *

 

Arizona has to be the worst state you have ever been to, though it wasn’t you’re doing -- everything just seems against from the beginning. You had felt a sense of renewal after coming back from New Mexico and it showed in both your professional and personal life, as you finished projects with stellar praise from your superiors and you had even gone out a couple of times with your friends and had even started talking to Wanda every once and awhile. Things were going great and then your supervisor, Mrs. Hill, had decided to send you to a week long seminar in Arizona, and while you had been excited in the beginning -- the traveling details, extra work hours, and general disregard for your health slowly changed your mood. It also didn’t help that it was the fucking middle of summer and your mother had been in the same area, through her own work was well, causing you to meet up as a result for a quick family dinner. However you should know by now those never ended well.

_ This what you do, what a disappointment. No romantic life either, what good are you  for anyways? _

By midweek, you were tired from the lack of sleep and anxiety running through your veins leading to you  sitting in the middle of your room with your notebook, hoping that writing might calm you down like it usually did -- it wasn’t doing a good job. You wanted to go home, you wanted someone to tell you it was going to be all right, but even with all the small changes that you had been making… you didn’t have any of that. Why didn’t you? Weren’t you good enough? Was your mother right about the choices you had made since leaving her home all those years ago? 

The anxiety and suffocating loneliness becomes too much, as you walk out of your hotel room in shorts and a old t-shirt to look for a vending machine, just to get out of your head and focus on something else -- that’s when you see him standing next to your destination, red-eyed with shaggy clothing and hair as you stop breathing for a moment. 

_The universe always knows what you need,_ as your grandmother used to say.  

* * *

**Flagstaff, AZ**

“Bucky?” a soft voice drags Bucky from his endless tasks of counting the stars from his current viewpoint. It wasn’t enough, but it was better than staying in his room by his lonesome, but the sound of that voice makes him think he’s finally lost it. Why would she be here of all places? 

He wipes away the sleep from his eyes, to make sure he isn’t dreaming, “Doll, what ya doing here?”

You smile as the sound of his voice, as you step a bit closer to him. You both look like individual wrecks in the middle of the night, but seeing him just lifts your spirits like they haven’t been in a long while. He straightens himself up, as you look at the machine trying to pick what to choose, as you explain that you are here for work purposes and he tells you that he’s still traveling, actually on his way to see the Grand Canyon. With the trade of plenseteries over, there is only one other ignored issue  to bring up between the two of you -- the elephant in the room, and you ask first. 

“Can’t sleep?” you ask timidly as red-rimmed blue eyes look at you before turning to look at the dark canopy he knows like the back of his hand, but sometimes it can feel disorentiening, like he’s a little kid afraid of the dark. He shakes his head and tries to stay nonchalant about the whole situation, he doesn’t need to burden you with his problems.

“Can’t sleep. Nightmares,” he explains with a shrug, as your brittle smile takes him by surprise. Your next words do even more so.  

“Ah, insomnia,” you tell him you own problems with a light laugh that cracks in the end. You put a dollar and some change into the machine only to pick up a small candy bar afterwards, but it isn’t enough as your stomach growls even harder after you finish said morsole, the lack of food and general sickness you have been avoiding is finally catching up with you, as you look away from Bucky in embarrassment for a moment -- only for his stomach to return your stomach’s call.  

“Do you wanna get something to eat?” you laugh, loud and sweetly, as Bucky feels his face get hotter for a moment. He is ready to deny your invitation --he doesn’t want you to be wasting your time or money on him more than you have to-- until you add with a smile, “I’ve got a company card.”  

“Well, I can’t say no to that,” Bucky lets out with a chuckle, as he watches your face light up like a Christmas light, though he doesn’t exactly understand why. You tell him to wait and run down the hall to where your room is, as Bucky shakes his head unsure of what he got himself into but appreciating whatever had brought you to him for the night. 

You run back outside with your keys and wallet, as you motion for Bucky to follow you to the white rental car that was parked not that far away from your room’s location. He can’t help but shake his head at your sudden enthusiasm, but he can’t feel like it’s warming up his bones and chasing all the voices in his head for a moment. As he gets into the car and you head down a little ways to find a diner that caught your interest earlier in the week, you are both happy to not be spending another night alone.

* * *

 

Once you enter the 24-hour diner,  the two of you realized that you were both hungrier than you had originally thought, since you end up ordering a big breakfast with hash browns, Bucky does the same but with an additional side of pancakes. Though it was silent as you stuffed your faces, you started to talk about anything that comes to mind as he tells you about Steve and Sam, while you talk about work and Wanda. Once you have talked about all of them, you get down to the real business at hand -- stars. 

“I graduated not that long ago and I wanted to celebrate,” Bucky explains bashfully on how he got the idea for his star journey after finally getting his Bachelor’s degree, but instead of being met with disbelief or apprehension, all he can see is pure amazement on your face, “Wanted to see what I fought so hard for.” 

“That’s amazing, Bucky,” your smile dazzles him completely, as you stop to tell the waitress that you need two chocolate cakes with scoop of vanilla ice cream, much to his embarrassment.   

“What about you? What made you go to New Mexico?” he questions as he leans a bit more, his blue eyes meeting yours and waiting for an answer because since the very beginning --with you coming into Inwood Park wearing a business suit but with all the curiosity in the world in your bright eyes-- he wondered why you were so into stars. 

“I think I’m trying to look for something,” you start explaining softly while having Bucky’s undivided attention, “My grandma died a while back and left me a lot of her art, all of which was stars. It wasn’t until recently I finally got to take a good look at them, I didn’t know a single constellation nor its meaning. I just feel like I need to know now, like I owe it too her, ya know?” 

You give him a watery smile before wiping a stray tear from you eye, as he grasps your hand for moment, “I’m sure she would be proud of you, doll. Taking the first step is never easy.”

You give him a nod, unsure of whether your voice is going to crack or not if you try thanking him. However, the mood quickly passes as the waitress comes back with your desserts. You hum in appreciation at the sight of the chocolate cake before taking your spoon in celebration. 

“To you, Bucky, for graduating and taking this journey!” you declare before taking a bite, as Bucky just shakes his head in embarrassment.  

“To you and your grandma,” he says, though not as loud as you. And you stay there for awhile, simply enjoying each other’s company.

* * *

 

The drive back to the hotel is quieter as the lack of sleep and heavy food begins to hit both of you, and you’re thankful that the diner wasn’t that far since your eyelids are dropping as you park in the hotel once more. You stay there, in a hazy sort of happiness and ready to go to sleep only to feel someone opening the driver side door and picking you up. You turn your head only slightly to see Bucky with the same haze taking over his eyes, though there is a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Time for bed, Sleeping Beauty,” he states and you briefly wonder if this was how Bucky usually acted with all the ladies or if it was the sleep deprivation talking, but you don’t say anything as he carries to your room and opens the door. He sets you down as softly as he can. A soft touch to your forehead before he gets up to leave, though he is apprehensive to be left alone in his room once more, especially after spending all this time with you. However, a light touch to his right hand causes him to look down once more. 

“Stay,” you whimper out, as blue eyes widen for a moment at the thought that you don’t want to be alone either. He wants to say no, scared of what might happen if he falls asleep, of how he could hurt, but your hold on his hand tightens and you drag him down a bit, “ _ Please. _ ”   

The sound of your voice and the shimmer of your sleepy eyes break Bucky very easily, as he lays down as you move to the other side a bit more. Due to you holding his hand, he is facing you in the center of the bed, as he tries his hardest to keep his left arm from you, just to protect you a bit -- as best as he can. You give him one last smile while holding his hand, but leaving a gap between the two of you.

“Goodnight Bucky,” you sigh before closing your eyes and letting slumber drag you away for the first time in a week, blue eyes watch as your breathing begins to slow down and light snoring escapes your parted lips. Bucky yawns and the soft warmth next to him slowly begins to drag him to sleep as well, though he does try to fight it here and there. 

“Goodnight,” he whispers out your name before setting down into a dreamless sleep.

You end up missing those morning workshops for the seminar, though you can’t help but agree that it is the best sleep you had gotten in some time, though it is a little embarrassing to have woken up to tangled limbs and a soft caress of your name on his lips -- but, you would never tell him that.

* * *

 

The few remaining days you have in Arizona are spent with Bucky as much as you can. In the mornings, you go to all the workshops and network the best you can, but the afternoon and evening are spent eating, exchanging stories, or simply driving aways out to the desert and talking (and by extension taking pictures or writing down things) about all the stars he knows and you want to learn of. Though for tonight, you were simply lying down on your bed together, trading stories after ordering some hotel food.    

“I don’t know, I like Andromeda better,” you laugh from your side of the bed while staring at the star map that he usually carried around, as Bucky shakes his head, “Okay, so who do you like?” 

“Cassiopeia,” he remarks as you get up a little and give him a look of disbelief  since you knew her story well enough, but before you can ask he already bets you to the explaining his reasoning, “She was beautiful and knew what she wanted, I like that in a gal.” 

You laugh before pushing your elbow into his rib cage just slightly,”You’re ridiculous, Bucky.” 

He laughs along with you, never saying anything of how her story reminds him more of you than Andromeda ever could.

* * *

 

However, just like in New Mexico, good things have to come to end as you wrap up everything and get ready to head back to Pulliam Airport to head back home. Bucky is standing in front of your rental car a sad smile on his face, but looking better than he was a few nights back, and his own backpack placed near him as he continued his journey towards the Grand Canyon. You’re standing a bit closer than the last time you left each other, as his right hand sweeps over your knuckles for a moment. You give him a small smile, encouraging him to tell you what is on your mind before you have to go.   

“Could I have your phone number?” he asks shyly, as your smile grows at his request, “I mean if it isn’t too much to ask.” 

“Of course, you can,” you state before he takes out his phone, which you had seen here and there throughout the days you spent together, and punch in your number as a new contact, “So, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“Okay,” is all he manages to say. 

You take a step forward and though you hadn’t talked about the nightmares or insecurity that haunted the both of you. You knew that you needed to tell Bucky one more thing before you left tim, “Bucky, you’re more than enough. Got it?”

“I know,” he breathes out, understanding what you are trying to tell him. His hand tightens around yours just a bit as you smile and he swears than he can see the stars shining in your eyes, even though it is the middle of the afternoon, and he knows he has to say it as well, “You are too, doll.”

“Okay,” you smile, taking a step back and heading towards the front of the car, though you’re already missing him, “But don’t forget to send me some star pics on your adventures, or just call me!” 

“I will!” He smiles and watches you enter the rented car and drive off, his heart lighter than before since he had entered the desert, but also aching at the loss of you, wondering if he was going to see you again but knows he had you a bit closer than before as he stares at the number on his phone  -- a new, cozier picture of you, of when the two of you had been lying about and your hair was a mess, but there was a huge smile on your face. He couldn't get rid of the smile on his face for a couple of days, as he keeps moving forward. 

_ Hey, doll...was thinking of you when I took this.  _

It’s a picture of the dark sky over a mountainous backdrop, but if you looked hard enough you could see the vague outline of Cassiopeia, and maybe that’s what was he was starting to feel for you.  


	4. california.

It starts off timid at best, a good morning here and hello there throughout the day between the two of you though while taking into mind that there is a 3 hour difference between the two of you, as Bucky moves from Arizona and into California. The first step of more interaction is a bit before that when Bucky decides to sends you a series of photos from the Grand Canyon late in the afternoon. A huge smile is on your face for the rest of the work day that even Wanda couldn’t help but notice, as she shakes her head at your brightening attitude. You are slowly getting back into the rhythm of things and while it hurt just a little, you were used to your mother not talking to you once more. 

It’s such a drastic change from a few months back that one day Wanda can’t help but ask.

“Are you seeing someone?” she asks during one uneventful lunch break, as you look up from your phone, looking away from the  [ wildflower trail pictures  ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/masteryofmaps/34168265315) that Bucky had sent you earlier in the day. Her brown eyes are curious as you look at her, but there is also a huge grin on her face -- waiting for your answer. 

“No,” you manage to say, but the next thing that comes out of your mouth is a bit bitter as you aren’t sure what the hell Bucky is to you at this point, “I’m just chatting with a friend who’s traveling.”

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I asked you?” she quips with a hopeful tone, as you raise an eyebrow though a little bit fearful about what your sort-of work friend wants from you, but you would always be kind enough to listen to anyone out at least once. 

“Ask what, Wan,” you ask cautiously, as she gets up from her seat and moves to sit on your desk and as much as you enjoy her company, you can’t help but lean back like a frightened cat.

“I am going on a double date in a few nights with my boyfriend Viz,” she explains and you watch her carefully from your corner of the cubicle, “And I actually needed a date for my brother. ” 

“Wanda--” you say in annoyance as she puts her hands up as if trying to defend her idea.

“He’s a good guy. I think you could hit it off,” she gives you a sweet smile and deep down you know she is trying to look out for you in a certain way. Wanda is the type of person that wants to see everyone happy and in her own way and that means is she’s together with someone, she wants everyone around her to be happy together as well. It was a little annoying, but you could tell she was coming from a good place not unlike --

_ No romantic life either, what good are you for anyways? _

“Could I think about it?” you give her the most vague response possible. Her smile wanes for a moment  before she agrees since she sprang it up on you last minute before going back to her side of the office. You take a look at your phone for a moment before ignoring it for the rest of the work day, uneasy over what had just transpired and feeling like you were doing a disservice to Bucky as well.

* * *

 

It’s been awhile since Bucky has had a “bad episode” as he moves from Arizona into Southern California and he is sure that it is from the easier transition and travel he has been having since entering the state. However, as Sam liked to point out in his most recent phone call -- Bucky also had a new connection to the world around him, someone that supported him in on this new journey. He wasn’t short changing Steve, as his lifelong friend, or Sam, who had been helping him since they meet at the VA. However, with you there wasn’t any old standards to uphold nor was there any coddling because of what he was facing. You knew a different Bucky and while he had been scared to show you the side that was scared of the dark, that had nightmares or heard voices sometimes -- you didn’t turn away. You didn’t put him under an x-ray, but gently accepted him at his own pace and that’s the most Bucky had ever gotten from anyone. 

It had help that you had shared a bit of yourself during those days back in Arizona, and Bucky wholeheartedly took in everything you had shared and kept it in a corner of his heart. It also wasn’t helping that every time he sent you a new set of pictures, you were ready and waiting with a cute comment even if some of his pictures were a bit blurry -- Bucky wasn’t as good with his phone camera as he was with his carry-on one. He knew that this wasn’t healthy: how he looked at your very first picture together in the front of his journal, how he wrote to you sometimes in it, how he missed your warmth in the middle of the night and the sound of your laugh when he had something funny to say. 

“Have you thought that maybe you’re sweet for her, Buck?” Steve finally breaks the ice that Bucky has been avoiding during the call between Hemet and Death Valley National Park. Bucky can’t help but want to deny it, but his oldest friend knows him better than anyone else. Bucky remembers the flower trail he had just sent you a few hours before, wishing that you had been there with him smiling and laughing at just how blurry his pictures tend to come out -- but you can only do that through emojis. 

“Maybe, Stevie,” Bucky’s voice breaks towards the end, as he comes to another realization, “But, I don’t think I deserve her.” 

The voice rings loudly in his head one more:  _ He’s no good. He’s no good for anybody. _

* * *

**Death Valley National Park, CA**

Neither you nor Bucky have contacted each other in the past few days, what with you trying to convince yourself if you should go on the date as Wanda had asked and Bucky dealing with his own turbulent emotions at the prospect of falling for someone he barely knew. Yes, he knew you lived in New York just like he did, you had a growing love for astronomy and mythology from all the old stories that you read up on, and that you have anxiety plus a strained relationship with most of your family. But, he also knows that you laugh at the strangest things when he says them in just the right tone, you carry a book everywhere you go, and that you enjoy lazy mornings more than anything else. 

Bucky just thinks that it’s a case of meeting someone at just the right (or bad) moment and getting attached to them. It had happened to him all those years ago with a redhead in college -- one that he had been hopelessly in love with and couldn’t see the dangers of until it was almost too late. Looking out at the vast desert wilderness, Bucky wasn’t sure what to call what he was feeling towards you -- it was deeper than an infatuation but not quite that l-word yet, but he knew give time it could be. How could this have happened to him?  

_ My grandma always said that the universe will guide you to what you need. _

He remembers you saying that with a fondness in your voice, and he wants to believe that with all his heart. He takes a seat on the steps of the small VR that Tony, Steve’s good friend and the designer for his prosthetic, had let him use for the time being -- the man was loaded and though they’re weren’t on the same wavelength all the time, Tony knew when someone needed a breather and would gladly helped one of his friends if need be. Blue eyes stare out at the darkened sky with a drink in hand and the soft melody of a  [ familiar song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kijpcUv-b8M) not too far away from him, as he finds the stars that lovers destined to only meet once a year -- their time having already long past them.

Vega and Altair. 

And thus Bucky sends a message, desperate and lonely, not really caring about what time it might be on the other side of the coast, just hopefully that he can hear your voice once more.   

**Can I call you?**

Truth be told, it takes you awhile to see Bucky’s message because it’s the same weekend night that you are having your double date with Wanda, her boyfriend Viz ( _ it’s a nickname _ , she swears), and her older brother Pietro. And while he could be sweet and rather humorous, it just didn’t feel right -- it felt like you were trespassing into a tight group that had known each other for years and were trying their hardest to make you feel included. It didn’t help that deep down you couldn’t help but compared the track star to Bucky because while one was lively with grand gestures, you were more used to the reserved silence of someone else.   

Both you and Pietro know that there isn’t going to be a 2nd date, but he is happy to meet the person that his sister talks so much about and you are happy to have a new potential friend, since he seems more like a sibling that won’t stop annoying you after everything is said and done. It’s nearly 10pm when you finally see Bucky’s message and as you lay down into bed, you hope that he still wants to talk -- because oh how you miss him. 

**Hey! I was a little busy, but if you still wanna call I’m all ears.**

You’re in bed already, trying to read by lampshade as you try to get a bit sleepy but are too anxious about Bucky’s call. While there had been several messages and pictures traded between the two of you, this would be the first time you were actually going to have a phone call. It wasn’t that you hadn’t wanted to, but you didn’t want to bother Bucky at an odd hour or if he was enjoying the moment somewhere else. You jump at the sound of your phone ringing, as you pick up to see a picture of Bucky from that weekend -- hairy sticking all over the place with a bright smile and eyes, as he laughed over something off screen which had given you the chance to take said picture. You take a deep breath before answering.    

“Hey, stardust,” he breathes out as a greeting and you can’t help the goofy smile on your face. 

  
“Oh, that’s a cute nickname,” you giggle out. 

“Well, I’m glad you like it then,” he admits, his voice not showing that he was actually quite nervous over how you were going to take said new nickname, but your reaction made him joyful, as he took a nervous gulp of water before resting on the doorframe of the RV. 

The two of you trade pleasantries for awhile going over how you were doing at work and what he had seen since you had left him, though less about the details and more about he had been feeling. It should have been just like talking with Steve or Sam, but Bucky couldn’t but notice how more open he was about his feelings and you never deterred him from talking about anything that came to mind. Your laugh sending a warm feeling through his chest and he couldn’t help but get dragged into your stories over work or just random little moments in your daily life -- wishing he was there to share them with you. Eventually, you both run out of things to talk about as the clock reaches midnight and that’s when Bucky decides that he has to ask you -- to see just exactly if there is any inkling over what you might actually think of him, if he might have a chance with the star that has been shining so brightly in his life. 

“Do you think everyone feels lonely when they fall in love?” he asks, finally breaking the silence. 

“Wow, that’s deep, Bucky,” you murmur with a soft laugh that catches his heart as he stares at a familiar  constellation, as you admit the last part a bit more bashfully, “But, I can’t really tell ya about that, I’ve never been in love before.” 

“Never ever?” 

“Not that I can think of. I mean there have been dates and stuff, like tonight,” you say without much thought and Bucky swears he stops breathing for a moment, though a little sad over the idea you had never been in love before, but he could understand from what he knew about your past, “But I have never been crazy over someone like that, but maybe that’s not how it’s supposed to be.” 

“You went on a date?” Bucky says as calmly as possibly, already waiting for the utter defeat of realizing his feelings too late, that you had already been taken away from him, “H-How did it go?”

“Hmm, he was all right, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again,” you state, as Bucky lets out a sigh of relief trying to mend together his bleeding heart, though he can’t help but be a little envious at the mysterious man that you had gone out with, “So what about you, have you ever been in love?” 

“I think I was once,” Bucky explains, though clearly confused himself, “I think I am now, but it’s not the same feeling?”

“Oh, what do you mean?” you can’t but ask.

“Have you ever heard of Vega and Altair story?” Bucky explains, giving a bit more detail before going on and you can’t help but let out a sigh, though you aren’t sure if it’s due to the story or how he talks about this woman, “They’re only meant to meet once a year. It’s maddening, doll. Sometimes, it feels like she’s a dream, something I came up with in my head until I hear her voice or see her messages. But, I’m scared -- that if I tell her or if she learns about the past me, she’ll disappear and I’ll never seen her again.”  

“Bucky Barnes, you listen to me,” you exclaim, jumping in momentary anger from your bed as you let out a tirade at this mystery woman, “Any gal would be lucky to have someone like you, if she doesn’t return your feelings, then it’s her damn loss. And I know it’s hard, but don’t you ever lower yourself for another person, ya hear me?” 

“You’re a little scary right now, doll,” Bucky exclaims, as for a moment your fierceness over him reminds him of Peggy, though if you only knew it was you he was talking about. It’s ironic, but he still appreciates it either way, “But thank ya.” 

“Just stating the truth,” you state confidently, as Bucky shakes his head on the other side of the phone. 

The conversation swings from there to all the things, mainly constellations, that Bucky can see from the outside of the RV, and you can’t help the smile growing due to the fact that it isn’t bothering as much as before, something you had worried about when leaving Arizona. A smile can’t help but appear on your face as you close your eyes and just imagine yourself being there with him. His voice, deep but soft, slowly easing the tension and anxiety you went through just a couple of hours ago being forgotten as you started to fall asleep.

“--If I turn a bit more, I can see Lupus,” he remarks offhandedly, turning to the right for just a moment though he is surprised as to what you have to say next. 

“Hmm, that one reminds me of you,” you state with yawn, remembering the talk from some time back that only made you wonder now if you could be like Cassiopeia in his eyes as well. 

“And why would you say that, stardust?” he says with an easy laugh that makes your heart sped up for just a moment, as you turn on your bed and can’t help but think that’s it’s missing a mass of warmth you had gotten too quickly used to. You cuddle closer to your largest pillow and let out a sigh. 

“Wolves get a bad rep, but they care about each other,” you explain and Bucky is happy that you aren’t there to see the massive blush reaching down to his neck in that moment, “Loyal and protective, it all reminds me of you.” 

“That’s really sweet of ya,” is all he can manage to say through his embarrassment, as you hum in response. With that Bucky comes to the realization that you are falling asleep and while he wants to spend the whole night talking to you once more, he knows that it is late in New York with the 3-hour time difference.         

“It sounds like you’re falling asleep on me,” Bucky remarks with teasing quip as all you do is give him a hum in response, “Well, I should let you go then. Sweet dreams, doll.” 

“Sweet dreams, Buck,” you response in kind, the tiredness and ache of tonight and not being near him dragging you somewhere where you can be -- at least for a few hours, “ _ Love ya. _ ” 

And with that you leave a very confused Bucky Barnes on the other side of the phone, unsure of what you meant with your words, but with a hopeful beat in his heart at the possibilities he hasn’t felt he was worthy of for years finally flourishing around him. And for a moment, he wishes he was back home -- back in New York where he could be close to you, but for now he had to keep playing at being Altair for a bit longer.   


	5. washington.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man was i struggling to now have this sound like one of the other chapters, but here we are. we are close to the end and just to let you know there will be an epilogue!

“What are you going to do for Labor Day weekend?” is how Wanda decides to ask you for something again the week before the actual holiday, though you were thinking this might come up with the way Pietro was sending you messages throughout the weekend. Once the twins got their grasp on you, they didn’t let go. They worried about you constantly and at times you found yourself going on outings with them – Wanda liked arts and anything related to the supernatural while Pietro made you his running buddy. **  
**

No, you and Pietro weren’t an item, but you could tell that something might have reminded him of Wanda from the way you acted and the way you had heard she used to be, and it wasn’t like they were annoying you. It was fun to spend time with them.

“Nothing, why?” you asks, glancing towards your phone as lunchtime begins and you are hoping to hear from Bucky –you guys had figured out a steady pattern of when to talk–  as he was moving from Oregon into the forest part of Washington State.

“I was just thinking of cleaning and sleeping the weekend away,” you admit, thinking about all the new books you had gotten and hopefully talking to Bucky through the phone again. After the first initial phone call, you guys had started to talk more during the weekends (you were too tired and feel asleep on the train when you talked to him in the middle of the week, as much as you hated to cut off time from your interactions) that usually ended lasting hours on end. Though, you were curious about what the Maximoff twins had planned.

“Would would like to go camping with us and some friends?” Wanda asks hopefully, as she pays with her rings. You look at her with confused eyes, if only she knew that you were thinking about camping since Bucky had mentioned it.

You were thinking more often about the man nowadays, often finding that the simplest things reminded of bright blue eyes and a timid smile. Maybe, your grandma really was right in her old saying.

“That’s sounds lovely, Wan,” you admit, as her smiles grows, “But, isn’t a bit too short notice? I don’t have any camping stuff either.”

“That’s totally fine. One of our friends’ sort of ditched us in the last minute,” Wanda explains, as you nod, “Everything in the cabin is paid for and everyone would be excited to meet you!”

“Ah, you’ve been talking about me,” you say in awe, as she gives you a bashful smile, “Well, if they’re okay with, I’m willing to meet them.”

Wanda comes up and gives you a hug with her laughter echoing in the cubicle, “Don’t worry, they’ll love you!”

* * *

Steve looks over the message Wanda had sent her earlier in the day. The only reason Tony and Pepper weren’t was because said man had planned a his own mini vacation in the Maldives, though he had promised to for the cabin due to his last minute change of plans. There wasn’t the need for anyone else to pay for the room but both Maximoff twins had been adamant on this person to come with them – to introduce them to their bigger group of friends. He had seen pictures of her from their most recent outings, but it was now that he looked at the name at the message that he was sure he had seen from someone else.

He wonder how many people can have the same name before going back to confirming with Bucky that they will be in the same area for the weekend. 

* * *

**Hoh Rainforest, WA  
**

**Going camping with some friends this weekend. I don’t know how good the reception will be.**

Bucky couldn’t help but frown for a moment at the message before it slowly formed into smile as he shook his head. While, he would be sad not to talk to you, he was even prouder that you were taking steps to talk and engage other people, especially since you had told him you didn’t have any friends since moving to New York. You weren’t much for social gatherings and too shy to talk to most people, so it was a little funny to see how these two siblings latched onto you and wouldn’t let go of you – making you go to events and even train with them. He was proud to see that there were that you could count on when he wasn’t there, but he was also happy that you had also opened up to him in your way through late night talks and exchanges of pictures and silly things like memes.

You never pushed and neither did he, and Bucky found himself appreciative of that side of you – it was one of the things he loved about you, which took him awhile to admit. He was falling in love.

“Hey, loverboy, can you give us a hand here?” Sam asks, as he pulls on a large cooler that holds a lot of items for the planned BBQ. Bucky frowns before grabbing the other side, frowning at Sam’s voice ruining the silence of the Hoh Forest.

Both Steve and Sam had decided some time back they were going to go on a mini-vacation to see how Bucky was doing, they choose to visit him when he was in Washington State, but it soon turned into a big event with Steve bringing Peggy — even the twins (Viz included) were coming last minute. Hell, even a complete stranger was coming, though Bucky didn’t know how to feel about that even after Steve had cautioned him.

Too many things were about of his control and it was bothering him a great deal, though it was like he could tell Steve and face the sad puppy dog look nor could he call you for comfort. Bucky wasn’t sure how he was going survive this weekend and everything the mother hen had planned.

“AH THE WHOLE GROUP IS BACK TOGETHER!”

Both Bucky and Sam can’t help but groan at the sound of Pietro’s voice, as they saw Maximoff’s  little car come up to the cabin. Blues eyes scan the car to see a fourth shadow on the passenger’s side, as Wanda and Viz come out from the back. Pietro was grinning as he waved to everyone before opening the door on the other side, Bucky had to wonder if this was one of his conquest though he had never brought them to these types of events before.

“I wonder what she looks,” Sam says, as Bucky keeps watching – silent and on guard. However, that changes when the shadow comes into little a bright smile that Bucky keeps dreaming about and a laughter that drives all his old haunts away, only to have him filter around him in that moment as the young woman laughs at Pietro’s excitement. Bucky freezes for a moment, as he feel like a meteor about to hit Earth at the sight before him.

“S-Stardust,” the word stutters out from Bucky before he can think, as Sam stares at him. As of by some magnetic pull it’s as if you hear his voice as your turn to meet his blue-gray eyes. Your smile widens, as everything just seems to stop for him in that moment. You’re ecstatic to see him and you’re here as you ignore Pietro’s questioning and go up the stairs. Bucky wonders if this is what Altair might feel like when seeing Vega after a year apart.     

“Bucky!” you exclaim, grabbing his hand as he gives out a light laugh, Sam and everyone else clearly confused. The rest of the world is forgotten as the two you connect like the moon to the ocean. All the while, Steve is smiling in the background – his intuition was right after all.

* * *

After the whole strange reunion, it took some explaining on both your parts on who the other one was and while you were put in the spotlight for the rest of the evening and with some vouching from the twins and Viz, everyone seemed a bit more comfortable around you. And that’s when the teasing began, Wanda’s was more subtle with winks and bright smiles when the two of you were in the same room, unlike the others she had seen first hand that Bucky had on you throughout the day, and it made you feel more embarrassed than anything else. Pietro’s was having you close at hand making you laugh at a joke only to have Bucky glare at him, though he threw some protective remarks here and there – as long as you didn’t tell Bucky he was the one you had gone out on a date with first. **  
**

Bucky was never that far away from you and it also had you noticing that his own close friends – Steve and Sam kept a watchful eye on you. Steve’s wife, Peggy,  played the diplomat between the three of you as she got you to engage with Steve and in turn Bucky lit up like a kid on Christmas. They traded old stories while you fished with them – you could see how close the two of them were and while it was you envied a little, you were happy Bucky had people that cared so deeply about him. Sam was another story altogether because one smart quip at Bucky’s expense after he fell in the lake was how you won him over.

Somehow, you were starting to wiggle your way into this little group of friends, and you couldn’t feel more than grateful for everything they had done for you during this weekend.   

And Bucky, he’s everywhere all the time to share in the moments and laughs with you, as you find yourself looking at his direction every chance you get and leaning into his touches. However, it isn’t the same as Arizona as you find yourself only getting handfuls of fitful sleep. The loud sounds of raindrops against your window not helping the situation either, but you know deep down that all you want is Bucky’s warmth but your side again –have for a long while now– but the circumstances aren’t the same as before and you were fully aware that Bucky’s heart was set on someone else. Not that that mattered to you.

You end up getting up and heading to the kitchen as quietly as possible, only to have a deep voice scared you for a moment as you enter the living room.    

“Doll, are you there?” the voice asks as you jump only to turn and see with the light coming your phone a disheaved Bucky with a mass of blankets settled around the leather couch. You want to laugh for a moment, but you notice the large bags around your eyes as he gives you a tired smile, and then it becomes obviously he hasn’t sleep well thus far.

“Yeah,” you affirm, as he drops his shoulder and guard just a little,  “What’s wrong Bucky? Couldn’t sleep?”

“No, not really,” he admits, as you frown.  

“Let me get something, okay?” you state before going into the kitchen and getting two cups of warm milk, as he waits patiently for you though his heart is thumping like crazy, as he becomes aware of everything around him. The light creeking, the hum you seem to be making, the rain ending outside, and suddenly the ding of the microwave, as you soon head back into the living – thankful that your room in on the other side where most of the others are.

You give him a look, silently asking if it’s okay as he nods and moves a little to the side as you take a seat. You give him a cup of warm milk, as your body seems to naturally mold into his as his right arm snakes around your waist pulling you closer when he notices that you don’t seem to mind. You move to lean into his chest before taking a drink and asking.

“What were you dreaming about tonight?” you ask softly, as you feel him taking a deep sigh. Bucky wonders of he should tell you about all the war he dreams about, all the things he can’t forget, he wonders if you’ll turn your back on him, but at the soft rubbing of his inner wrist he can’t help but sigh out and sink deeper into the blanket fort he had created.

“This journey, where it’s gonna end. The war. Fire and battles, screaming. Always screaming,” he manages to say in a jumbled mess as you move slightly and cup his cheek and days old stubble. Blue eyes are hazy for a moment, as his grip tightens for a moment. You get a bit closer, whispering for him to match your breathing. A few moments pass as he tries his hardest to.

“Hey, hey. When’s your birthday?” you ask, trying to get his mind out of something else as you see the start of tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“March 10th,” he manages to breathe out, as you try to remember a story of the fish astrology sign.

“You know Pieces are natural protectors, right?” you question as blue eyes look directly at you, like you’re the brightest thing in this bleak darkness. His eyes asking what you could possibly mean by that, “You know that the Pieces helped bring Venus of the water when she needed the most help. Pisces are mean to care, and protect, and love, Bucky. You’re one hell of a person, regardless of everything – past, present, or future.”

“You’re one hell of a person too, doll,” he lets out in choked tone, as he was trying to stop himself from breaking down and saying something he might regret later.

“It might be my star sign,” you laugh a little, as you push back a strand of lose hair from his face. He gives you small smile, while asking for a story about yours and then Steve, Sam, the twins. You tell him all the tales that you can remember for a stop and you both stay like that for a good while, to the point that you can’t feel the lower part of your arms.  And with no more stories to ask for, you move back a little to go back to your original sitting position, but Bucky moves you so that you are directly under his chin with most of your chest on top of his. His right arm covering you underneath the mass of blankets.  

“So, where does the journey end?” you ask, remembering what he had been talking about before,  rubbing your fingers over his hand any part of his arm you can reach as he lets out a shuddering sigh, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Alaska, to see the Northern Lights,” he replies a little bashfully, as you can’t help but think that it fits him perfectly, “It’s something I’ve always wanted to do as a little kid.”

“I know you’ll get there, Buck,” you murmur, as the warmth of the milk, the blankets, and Bucky’s body in general begin to lull into a deep sleep. You lean on him a bit more, until your head in on top of his chest and the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat bring you a calmness that you couldn’t get by looking at the sky – it was pure Bucky that gave you this serenity. He pulls you in a bit closer as you feel him let out a sigh.

“Goodnight Bucky,” you murmur out before passing out completely, not feeling him move to make the two of you more comfortable or the soft press of his lips against your forehead. However, you know that you’ve never felt this safe before in your whole entire life.  

And when morning comes, when you see him with a lazy smile cooking breakfast for everyone and your heart skips a beat, when you have to say goodbye once more and your heart lurches at his sad smile.

On the way to the airport and for a good long while, you wonder if this is what Bucky meant when he talked about falling in love.


	6. alaska.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here’s where the story ends. but thank you to pia for allowing to write this story for her challenge. and thank you to you all for reading!

Bucky realizes early on after you leave how much he misses you, how much he wishes you could be here by his side, to see the wonders of Washington and for a moment Canada before taking a plane to Alaska -- the end of his journey. He thinks about a certain idea for a long while, wondering if he should be asking such an insane question to someone he has known for just a couple of months, but he knows deep down that it’s just the fear of being rejected — that he isn’t a star in your universe.

The planning to his trip had been a solitary thing -- to celebrate and look at everything he had fought and lost so many things for. He had come to accept a lot of things about himself, however he didn’t think this journey would teach him to lean on someone else when he needed help. In a sort of magical way, it had become a two-person trip from how he wrote to you in his little book and he connected with you through either phone or text. He was starting to take your grandma’s words to heart. 

Blue eyes look at the cell phone at his head, ready to put his heart on the line -- to finally give life a chance and hopefully land amongst the stars.

* * *

 

After coming back to New York from the Labor Day weekend, you find yourself thinking about Bucky a lot, missing him even more a you slowly come to realize that you might be in love. It takes you awhile to rationalize everything, though it all falls quickly into place after that. And while, you feel that the more logical side of your mind, in your mother’s voice, is yelling at you over such a crazy idea, you decide to go to more people for advice. Wanda squeals during lunch and says that you should follow your dreams, Viz and Pietro are a bit more worried but are eased just a little at your presentation. You meet up with Steve and Tony, a close friend of his, and after talking to both of them --and getting Steve’s reluctance blessing-- you move forward with your plan.

You had given your immediate resignation at work the same day Bucky gets the courage to call you again.

There’s a hesitation in both your voices as your trade pleasantries and just fall in sort of hazy happiness over the sound of each other on the other side of the phone. It isn’t until the end, running close to 1 am,  when Bucky finally decides to ask -- thinking that you would be too sleepy and forget all about the event and he could stop thinking and hoping so much about all you could be.

"I wish you were here with me," Bucky lets out in a rough whisper, as your heart speeds up. The statement closing any fears and discomfort you might have about your plans because deep down you know that Bucky wants this too, that something bigger connected the two of you all those months ago and you weren’t going to deny it anymore. You were following your own road from now on.  

  
"Okay," you state and Bucky swears _ his _ heart stops. 

"Okay?" he questions with a confused tremor at the end of his voice that has you giggling like crazy for a moment, and Bucky swears that he would be all right dying in that moment if that was the last sound he ever got to hear. Before he even knew it, you had him wrapped around your finger, but he didn’t know he held your heart in the palm of his hands.

  
"Okay, I'll go where you are," you declare and allow yourself to drown in the potential of the unknown for once.

* * *

 

**Fairbanks, AK**

The plane and following ride into the small Alaskan town is rather long and annoying, but by now you realize that you’ll do anything to be with Bucky. People do crazy things when they are in love, and this was yours. At the same time, Bucky didn’t believe that you were coming until the very last minute, when you send him a picture from a familiar airport, and Bucky knew deep down that he owed so much to Tony after this. He tried his hardest to find something to stop him, but nothing help -- he just wanted to see you, show you all the magic he had seen in his time here. 

He had to blink for a moment when you are finally there standing in front of with your little black duffle bag and backpack. You grin and drop you everything immediately after you see him, catching him in a off guard with a bear hug. Bucky lets out a shuddering breath at the contact, at finally having you near him again.

“I missed you, Bucky,” you admit without missing a beat as you kiss his cheek.

“I missed you too, doll,” he says, though more than he dare to admit for now -- not when there is still the chance that you would push him away. Slowly, Bucky helps you put your stuff away, as you start to get cozy in the small cabin that Bucky had reserved through Tony Stark. Bucky starts preparing dinner and by the time you come out of the shower he has his mother’s best dishes prepared and laid out just for you. 

You give him a bright smile before digging in, complementing everything he had made much to his embarrassment. Bucky can’t help but wonder if this is what it would be like if you were together all the time, as the thought light up a warm feeling in his chest followed by the sound of your laugh. Though, he can’t help but be curious about one thing.  

“How did you get time off of work?” Bucky finally manages to ask you. You stop eating for a moment and give out an awkward laugh. 

“Before you asked me to meet with you here,” you let out slowly, Bucky’s attention completely on you, “I...quit my job.” 

“What?” is all Bucky can say, though you could already tell that he might be panicking due to thinking that it might be connected to him. So, you grab his right hand and squeeze it with a bright smile that calms him down just a little.

“I made this decision on my own after talking with the twins and Viz,” you explain as he starts taking deep and steady breathes, “I’ve never liked my job, Bucky. And if it’s one thing I’ve learned since meeting you is that I should be the happiest with the time I have. So, I quit, though I was already sending out job applications to places I know. You just moved up the timeline a little.”

“Really?” he questions a bit skeptical.

“Really, really,” you nod to put a bit more emphasis to the answer, as he smiles and finally congratulate you for leaving such a place, which leads to him questioning what you would like to do next.

It slowly turns into those long discussions that you always seem to have when you are together, though this time is seems more personal as you talk about your childhoods in depth. He talks about his mother and sisters back in Brooklyn, who he loves but hasn’t seen in a long time due to obvious reasons. You talk about the memories you have about your grandmother and a little about your mother here and there. You both talk about the daunting future, but it doesn’t seem to worry you as it should. 

The hours pass by quickly as Bucky begins to prepare you to go out into the cold landscape. He helps you bundle up, while giving you some vague details on what he had seen already. By the time it’s all ready close to 9pm, and though you are a little tired, you keep moving forward with the plan at hand. When the time comes, Bucky has you get into a snowmobile, though you are a little apprehensive and are teased by him due to all this. He takes you a few miles to where a small group is standing around watching amongst themselves, and you are at awe at the mix of green, blue and purple lights up above you. 

It’s such a majestic sight that leaves you breathless.   

“It’s beautiful, Bucky,”  you finally let out after a good while of staring, as Bucky can’t help but agree but due to a different sight altogether that has taken his breath away. The two of you just stand, though together to stay warm, while taking in everything in silence, though you don’t know that Bucky is trying to pick up all his courage to finally ask the one thing that has been on his mind for a long time.

“Stardust,” he questions, leaning in just a little closer until your noses are touching, “I have a question for ya.”

“Yeah, Buck?” you answer back softly as you place your hand on his cheek. He leans in more, as your breathes intermingle. His heart stutters at how you’re looking at him, like he’s the only thing in this world, like all the stars in your eyes belong to him and him alone. 

“I know it’s crazy, but with the sights I’ve seen and everything I’ve done these past couple of months,” Bucky explains, leaving you breathless, “I think you’re the best thing to come out of all this.” 

“You are too,” you admit, while placing a kiss on the tip of his nose. You can’t help but love how his cheeks turn red as he stutters over his next sentence. 

“A-And I wanna to ask you to be my girl,” he declares, as he sees your smile soften and it sends him into overdrive, “I know it won’t always be sweet, but I’ll try my best and I know--”

You pull him into a kiss as he eagerly opens his mouth while pulling you in closer, well as close as he can with all the clothing being worn between the two of you. The slow and languid kiss eventually comes to an end as you both need air, but he doesn’t let go of you. A dopey smile on his face as you say your next words.

“I accept, James Barnes,” you breathe out while looking at those shining blue gems of his, “As sure as all the stars in the sky.” 

“Just as sure,” he repeats before going in for another kiss and then another -- peppering kisses all over your face until you can’t feel his lips anymore due to the chilly weather. You’re both giggling and utterly happy messes when you go back into the little cabin.

And as you’re falling asleep with Bucky at your side, you can’t help but name all the constellations in your head in silent thanks for bringing him into your life. A large smile as you think about that old saying that started all this.

_ The universe will guide you to what you need.  _

And it certainly had, for the both of you. 


End file.
